Sunday, December 23, 2018

★Dear Mom★

Dear Mom, 

Happy Birthday!! Today you would have been 66 years old. Words cannot express how much my heart aches to hear your voice again. So much has happened in the past few years. It had been a long struggle but this past May I finally graduated college with my degree in English and my minor in Japanese.  I know you always pushed me to do my best. In July, I got to meet Dan Reynolds from a band I really like called Imagine Dragons. You would like their music a lot Mom. I also got a better job starting off as a teaching assistant and hopefully will get my own classroom.  I have been living with Brandon for a while now, but now we live in a 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment. Brandon was kind of enough to let me turn the second bedroom into my own office. 

I like it because I can sit in here and read, or I can write down my own thoughts. I sometimes sit in here and look at your photo on my desk. I remember the times you would encourage me to continue to write stories, and continue to express myself through writing. You were always so amazing in the way you supported me and I am sorry that I realized that too late. I hope that you can see to forgive me during the hardships I have caused you.  Thank you for everything that you done. 

 In January, I am going with an organization I joined to Texas to tour some schools. Who knew that I would love working in an elementary school just like you did when you were around my age. I try to hold onto your kindness as much as possible so I can give it back to the children, but make sure I am firm when I need to be. I am so much like you Mom in so many ways, but I wish I had noticed before you had passed away.  

I had no idea you had a love for different languages, and was fluent in Spanish because you took it in college.  I loved that you encouraged me to learn a different language. I remember you telling everyone at family events that I was taken Japanese, and that I could speak it. You truly were proud of me. Thank you for all the sacrifices you made through out my life. Even when you did not have a lot of money, you still made sure I got what I want or something close to it. I did not appreciate it back then but I hope you know that I appreciate everything now. You taught me to be thankful for everything that is given to me, and to not be greedy. Sometimes when I hear a quote in a movie that resonates with me, I think it is something that you would have told me. 

I am not sure what the future holds for me. I know there is still a long bumpy road but I wanted to write a small letter to you. To this day, my heart aches, and I still feel like there is a missing piece. There's just this hole, and no matter what I do, I can't seem to fill it. I get so annoyed with myself bothering people with my grief, and then I get upset when they seem to just brush it off but I know it is because they do not know how it feels to lose the one person closest to them. 

Mom, I miss you so much. I see the sun shining, and when I was crying it was shining even brighter. I knew that was you telling me to stop crying.  I am doing my best to stay strong, and I will continue to live my life to make others lives better, but no worries because I will continue to take care of myself too.  

Love always, 

Your Daughter.

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